Today for the first time since my love passed, i actually truly enjoyed myself for 2 hours, with no tears, no regrets, and joy in my heart.
Yesterday i went to the beach and that too was good, but every little social outing is completely exhausting. I usually crawl into bed for an hour even after a quick trip to the store. It overwhelms. All those living bodies, each with their own complex stories, just too much.
But today was different.
My friend Linda and I met for brunch at the Wave, a hotel in the Valley which had a bluegrass jam featured.
And oh i was transported – live music! the rhythm, that lovely bluegrass twang, the banjo, guitar, bass, and the fiddle. It was magic and joyful.
My friend of over a decade looked at me and said, “I didn’t know you liked bluegrass that much” and i had to laugh as i said, I didn’t either!
I remembered how my love would be up dancing, as i so wanted to (covid rules say no). And was glad there was no need to try to explain that rule to him. It would have been a nightmare, ending in anger and tears. That is over.
It is a small start – the beginning of imagining a new life, one to be enjoyed, as in his mid stage he so wanted for me. Today for a few hours the pain lifted and there was life and joy on the other side, instead of just endurance. No need to worry about him anymore.
Right now, in this moment, before the fog lowers again, i am interested to see what happens next.
4 responses to “The fog lifts a little”
Thank you for your honest truth telling. Small steps are powerful, big moments of real life. 💖
Yes! music can be a great healing balm!
Hurray for bluegrass and live music and the fog lifting a little…and if you ever want to stay with me for a live music event down this way, please let me know! And btw, on Sunday mornings I attend ‘Church of the Bluegrass’ – I couldn’t care less really about bluegrass per se, but I sure do love playing live music!
Just back from my travels to the UK to hear your news. My heart goes out to you – I wish you heart-warming memories of your love, and a renewing of your own life energies as you move forward into this new life. Please feel free to call for a coffee and /or a walk if it feels right – I’m always be pleased to hear from you!