Monthly Archives: June 2020

Special Stones

Remembering tonight the day – oh 6 or 7 years ago when we were flying to Ontario. To my …. er, concern,  Don decided to share with the airport security guy as we went through the checkpoint (all of that being incomprehensible and thus nonexistent to his nibs, nice trick!) his precious stones tucked in his pocket (no way was he having anything to do with putting them in our checked bag.)

So just as we were going to walk through xray, he pulls them out and proudly shows them to the guy on security. Wants to.give him one. A special gift.

I am holding my breath. And then  in one of so many beautiful interactions among humans , the man grins and says, hey, yes! It’s ok, you keep those.

See I have some too, and pulls his own special stones out of his pocket.


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A Visit Today

A file has been shared using Link Sharing. (Expires: Jun 13, 2020)

Today for the first time since March 10th i got to see my love for a half hour. He was in a very good mood. I wouldn’t say he “knew” me but he had many big smiles and laughs, and said, something then clearly, “44 and there you are!” with a huge grin.

Clearly he has been very well cared for, in his body and spirit, despite the lockdown.

And now i have real spirit to continue in our campaign for better long term care.

COVID-19 cases in long-term care inspire redesign, reform of institutional-style homes



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911 no guns

Tonight i am remembering that about 7 years ago, using up those precious respite hours, i went to the Courtenay rcmp shop , feeling guilty and ashamed.

I said, You need to know:  If there is a 911 call from my address,  i really need you, because my love’s dementia is getting violent.

But I insisted, Put it on the file, there are NO GUNS here. Do not come in shooting!

As well as being personally scared 24/7, I felt for the cops, emotionally confused, not knowing which call was nutsy (sort of like  living with dementia but multiplied a zillion times).   But i was scared too, alone with a delusional partner. And i didn’t want them showing up to an unknown situation, scared and trigger-twitchy.

Ok,  the cop at the front desk said, We will put that on file.

I didn’t have a lot of faith in that,  but i hoped they might have my back without horrid force. I knew it was easier for them to be dangerously defensive as the default position and that bode ill for a wild and strong (and big mouthy) guy with dementia. If it came to me calling 911, it meant he was driven raving mad by so many delusions that he could no longer make sense of.

So, about a year later i was testing out a new phone, in putting numbers,  and started with 911. To my horror, the phone called!

I hung up quickly, and much later figured out how to turn location tracking off.  (er, the 911 folks say, don’t hang up, stay on the line so we can clear that call. oops, never again!)

About an hour later, as i was toddling off to bed with my pjs on,  there was a quiet, discrete knock at the door.

Is everything all right? We found a call from this phone and we know there is a dementia case here.

Are you sure it is ok?

A steady searching gaze.

Gobsmacked at so many things:

How they were able to track an unused phone;

How they had tracked and remembered a report from a year or more ago;

How sure i was that it was dangerous to have cops called to a violent scene. All part of the fear and racism escalation we have see for decades. Deep in our behaviour now, ssdly.

I remember when cops were on the street all the time, didn’t have guns, had time to know people in the hood,  and we were not afraid of them.

And I will never forget how glad i was to see that youngster quietly on my doorstep, making sure all was well. I slept better for months.



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