Monthly Archives: October 2022

The little loving things

A year and a month after he died (mercifully) I am doing okay. Today felt great for several hours, like really great, and then… the oven door handle fell off. And the same screw seemed to hold the whole darn door together – don’t start me on crappy cheap cost-cutting design.

Gasp. now what? Plans. 1) fix it myself 2) call long-suffering son-in-law 3) call repair shop

I could see the screw still sticking in the other layers of the door, so first step, would it screw back in? but of course all the tools i had available were the wrong head (30,000 curses on all the folks who have fun designing different screw heads for appliances … umm make that 300,000,000)

So i was pissed and non-plussed until i remembered, What about the screwdriver my love gave me once, “Here maybe this will help you fit your computer connections.” I scurry off to the office room and retrieve the tool, And it fits! Door fixed.

Maybe in a few years such events will bring happy gratitude, maybe. Tonight, after such a good day in recovery mood, grief does not describe the tearing pain.

It might be stupid but that’s how it is, clawing my way back to some semblance of life after these hard years.

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The morning dew

A program i was watching played “Walk me out in the morning dew” which has always been powerful to me.

I did not know until right now that it was about nuclear holocaust written in 1962 by a canadian.

But i have always related to the tragedy…

And suddenly a dam burst (again) after months of doing “great” – i kind of have too because dear people’s pay checks rely on me. Trying to fix that…

Anyway the grief was probably additive – my deep loss and trauma in my own life first, then the loss of so much, the battle for species and the earth, all lost now. OH YES they are, humanity at least in north america is giving up the earth for imaginary money. Go team homo not-so-sapiens.

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