A whispering in the night, somewhat disturbed. I lean over and stroke his cheek and say “It is all right” and he subsides.
A hand holds mine and he whispers “love you.”
Later whispering passionately, “I don’t want to leave you.”
I roll to him and say quite emphatically, it being 4 in the mornng, “So Don’t!”
“Oh!” he says, relieved. And we fall asleep holding hands.
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All that sweet and true psychic state is one level of existence, but life works on many levels, and so does truth as we humans experience it.
I had spent the two days before he returned from the Lodge – where as before he fit in, made friends, did the activities, was his sweet self with the other patients – I had spent those days in fear and tears, dreading his return.
Having survived that inevitable doom, I spent the next week digging into the placement system to see how bad my fate was. I was pretty serious about a drop off at emergency and a quick flight out to wherever , if my sentence looked to be more than a couple of months. That was the optimist in me trying to imagine a better future.
Anyway, tonight it seems I am making some progress on deciphering the care system. It is going to take more research to sort it out and I will post when I actually have some information.
+++++++++
Quote of the week:
Me – to the “more information” person about residential care – “I just am trying to figure out how many people are on the list for placement.”
She: “There’s no list….”
I will spare you the ensueing round and round the mulberry bush, but it ended with me saying …Oh you are telling me there is no bed shortage and all those folks on the Second Floor (St Joseph’s Transition ward), there are beds for all those folks right now?
She hung up on me, but what could she do — we had just boldly ventured beyond her talking points.
Duh!!!! Of course there’s no list. If there was a list we the public would be able to see how bad this health care crisis is.
CaringCV 
When Susan’s mum was doing badly, we were heavily interfacing with the system and we had this same crazy runaround about the list. They deny that there is a list but there has to be a list. How could they function otherwise? I think they have a policy that they don’t go public with the list. I would expect that the list constantly changes, probably because with changing circumstances, certain people are getting triaged up or down the list. It’s like when you go to emergency. They don’t display their list either I guess because it can give false expectations. But I think in both situations there is a way that they could communicate this.
I continue to be absolutely amazed at the beauty and love and honesty of your posts Delores Thank you.
Alan
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Even the home care system is being overburdened by the hospital releasing patients prematurely, because of bed shortages !
I wish you at least a peaceful Christmas and relief and one day some content for what you have done and peace and finally happiness , even with memories , or perhaps because of them.
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