So tonight i went in to feed him, as he now needs all the time, a change, startling to me because it seemed so sudden. But i remember even 3 years ago being surprised that sometimes he could not feed himself.
I guess i just chose not to see. Now, although he remembers the motion of hand to mouth, and uses fingers often to do so, the delivery is so uncertain we need to pop the food in.
We are in a different world now. He still is aware enough to direct the food and drink when offered: come; more; yes. Sometimes as with minced boiled cabbage tonight, no! (don’t blame him, it was dreadful in my non- demented opinion. Not quite as bad as the pureed chicken and mostly dumplings passing as the protein component a week ago, but well… gross.) Anyway he is still aware enough to say No.
Almost of all the food i offer is accepted eagerly, but sometimes he is so busy eating and talking and not really swallowing that he coughs and coughs and gets very angry and scared.
So tonight, after he calmed down a bit, he had a question and called out on his right to Dearl (his older brother) then looked me, Dearorl… then forgot.
Minutes later as we ate more, he looked at me and said, Elnor?
Oh, I said, knowing this was his dear older sister who raised him as toddler, who he always wanted to see on trips home. Oh, i said, assertively and i hoped bafflegab reassuringly, Elnor is in Napanee.
NO! He pointed at my chest. Here!