The last two and a half weeks have been a high pressure whirlwind. I have been afraid to write about it for fear of tempting fate.
On July 5th Don was rushed by ambulance, sirens whooping, to hospital from the care home. He was moaning and shaking and had severe pneumonia.
In emergency, antibiotics were started before the lab tests came back. The wonderful hospital doctor had The Talk with me, but I could not let my love go, not like that, suffering, and no warning and no care, and no painful and loving goodbye. It would be a total failure of his trust in me. I know I will have to let go sometime soon. But not like that.
I could not.
We agreed to treat him overnight and see. By morning he was comfy in a lovely room at our new hospital, off oxygen. He opened his eyes and smiled and asked, What happened?
Indeed. The questions haunt me, though apparently the “system” and many of the people working in it think old sick people just have shit happen to them. And no one thinks it’s unusual. Or asks too many questions.
He is, so far, better now although the care home has another respiratory outbreak going on. I fear, because he is not back to his usual bouncy bossy self.
I fear. He will die and no one will ask how or why, because he is old and sick with a fatal disease. But he loves music, and dancing. He grins and makes great silly jokes. He has been enjoying life lately.
He developed near fatal pneumonia in the “care” home, with no one apparently noticing, until close to the last hours.
He has mostly forgotten and may get his joy in life back, who knows? But I will continue to ask, What happened? I can not let him down.
iend in my heart, and the huge political pressures around care and good care.
See http://www.seniorsvoices.ca – family intervention.
One response to “What happened?”
I’m so glad you did what I think is the only right thing to do…because dying of pneumonia is NOT the ‘old man’s blessing’ – that is a cruel and dishonest euphemism. It is drowning, and the only thing to do when your beloved is drowning, is to save him. I’m sending you love and hope for a better ending, and I don’t mean soon! Susan >