I have great belief in what I call the “back of my head.” Often when I thought i was struggling with a life decision, on looking back I realise steps taken, which prepared the way, reveal the “back of my head” already knew what I was going to wake one morning and suddenly decide.
In my 30s I started running a fever every evening from 8 PM to 8.30. I am not one for doctoring – had way too much of that as a helpless kid – so usually I would never run to the doc. But this symptom was so specific I figured there might be a clear cut answer, so off I went.
She looked perplexed and to my disappointment said, no, I know of nothing that would cause that. She ordered some tests and looked up and asked when did you last have a pap test? Of course, the answer was basically never, and before I knew it I was flipped on my back getting The Procedure.
Well one thing led to another, the cancer shute I call it, each test more grave, and finally, with some drama, much meditation and self-examination in face of potential death, along with a serious hemorrhage along the way, I wound up cured.
And wiser, with a deep belief that the back of my head was looking after me.
I saw another doctor listen too, when, as she was about to treat me for a dislocated shoulder, she looked into my eyes, stopped, and sent me instead on the 2 hour journey to hospital for an xray. The ache from the now healed break in my upper arm reminds me of that moment, and I am thankful.
And last week i was visiting Don as he lay in bed at 2 PM. “Oh,”he said, looking at my silvered hair, “Your wings are beautiful.”
He eventually got up, driven by hunger. While he gobbled lunch, I picked up a tough bit he had spit out. Usually I don’t worry much about hygiene between us, focusing on sterilizing my hands on the way in and the way out of the ward. But this time something niggled, and I went to wash my hands that extra time.
The next day the facility went into “lock down” as Don and most of the residents, and the long-suffering staff, struggled with a wave of norovirus.
I am so far fine, and more convinced than ever that the whispering intuition at the back of my head knows way more than the babbling I.