How to explain my grief

If you had the most beautiful man or lover in the world and they loved you too… if their eyes still lit up when they saw you, after a year in the dementia ward. If all you wanted was for them to come home. And if they uttered, slowly, with lots of misslips, because words don’t work for them much any more, “So when can we go back, babe, back to where we used to live?”

And the answer you give is, “when the snow melts.” But he doesn’t know melting and he doesn’t know anymore what snow is.

Your most beautiful man.

Then he picks up your hand and asks, “Is this yours? It is very nice.” And counts your fingers. One and two are easy, three comes….four, kind of mispronounced, then after a long time a jumbled five.

Your most beautiful man, entertaining you, making you laugh by games with the cheezies, so pleased that you laugh, his love, your love, still there.

Soon you slip away while he is distracted, and go to the car and cry before you drive home to where we used to live.

Empty. Your most beautiful man is gone away but waiting lovingly for you.



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5 responses to “How to explain my grief

  1. Wendy Kotilla

    Oh Delores, there are no words for me to give you, except love, for you and your breaking heart. I wish I could give you the biggest hug in the world to ease some of this pain, but I can’t. Thank you for your words and sharing your grief and describing your love for your most beautiful man so eloquently. I love you, Delores. Wendy Kotilla 4327 Minto Road Courtenay, BC V9N 9P7 250-336-8487

    Liked by 1 person

  2. tressbackhouse

    You have made me cry again!. this time for me !but if love can stay when the mind is muddled perhaps it stays when the body is gone!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Grace

    beautifully, poignantly described! Hugs


  4. Peggy Ash

    This is beautifully written Delores. Sending hugs and love your way. Think of you both often.


  5. You too peggy. How are you doing..? Are you here or mostly over in grandkid land?