A lull in the storm


Watching TV last night, after a very cheerful afternoon.

Don had asked a few times what Debbie had wanted (his favourite caregiver had come but they stayed in out of the storm, and he listened to music) and I replied, “oh she just came to hang out with you,” and he nodded, “Oh, Of course.”

Don says, confidingly, “you know, for the last…couple of weeks I have been thinking I wanted to go back to Slate Falls,” (I braced myself for the usual tirade, usually ending in accusations about taking his driver’s license), “to visit my father and mother, but they are gone.” He wiped away a few quiet tears.

Returned to a similar theme this morning. I came out to rescue him from wherever he had gotten stuck (the middle of the dining room) and he said, “but you’re not my mother, or my sister….” and I replied, “No, I’m your wife.” I convinced him to come back to bed to drink our morning coffee, and talk about things. He continued, “I don’t think we should move, I think we should stay here.” I replied, “Well it’s a pretty good house,” and he answered, “yes its a really great house! I was thinking, out in the kitchen, if we moved, where would we get the coffee? We make it here.”

We then went over who was living at Slate Falls now and named all the brothers and sisters, and all Don’s sons and daughters, accounting for where each of them were. He faltered over Dalt, his dead brother, and i held my breath not wanting to deliver that bad news again, but he quickly recovered: “oh yes he has a new truck,” and I said smoothly, “yes Carl has a new truck, a red one.” And life goes on.

Interesting that the transformation of Dalt into Carl remains set safely in his mind, but his mom and dad, he remembers so far, are dead.

I continue to feel calmer after my respite a couple of weeks ago, although very very sad, A strange sort of calm sad.


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3 responses to “A lull in the storm

  1. Grace Clarke

    Yes Delores, I feel it too, an ongoing grief and somehow fresh as new realizations hit us and other realizations are lost to our dear one. What a beautiful picture you painted of your conversation in bed! That was a very precious and Poignant picture! Hang onto the small victories that are really quite significant and take comfort and enjoyment in that memory! Love gc


  2. jeaniem

    It hurts to read your comments Delores. They are so familiar to us all. I wish I could say something bright about life after the person goes into care. But it hard to find something positive, it hurts every day as you slowly lose your life’s partner to this awful disease. I am trying to cope I know I am lucky he is safely in care. Hugs, Jeanie


  3. Shari

    I am so very thankful for you Delores, I know how difficult it is. But yet you seem to always know the right thing to say to my brother. Your ever present smile does mask your inner feelings. I know how very painful it is to realize that daily, Don is slipping away. I think of both of you often and wonder about the daily struggle. You are his reason for waking each morning. Thank you for that Delores…you are loved. xx