Here’s what that workshop said worked liked like magic (there was more but I had to go pay attention to the hurricane brewing in my living room…you know!)
On Criticism
Don’t deny, don’t defend, don’t counter attack, and don’t withdraw.
Maybe it’s a mantra for those in horrid spaces with their beloved.
Hard to do – requires being absolutely centred – not self-centred – just centred, – breathing from the diaphragm and knowing all is dust and ashes and joy and tears of laughter ….
I think this has something to do with it all (although I couldn’t say exactly precisely what!) … but all the wisdom ties together https://careingcv.wordpress.com/2013/10/09/looking-forward-to-more-self-care/#comment-14
db
CaringCV 
constant criticism is hard to bear. My neighbor always notices it and remarks on it after a visit with us. she calls it “putting me down”. He just cannot seem to stop doing it and he once was one of my biggest supporters. I keep believing what he says (inside) and taking it personally because before his illness his perception of me has been so important during our 52 years together. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am doing the best I can. I have to keep reminding myself that it is the illness speaking, not my dear husband. very difficult
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This is horrid – and it must feel like the rug is being constantly pulled out from under you. Why do you think he is doing this? Is it just one of those dementia character changes, or is it a reaction to how bad he feels and he is taking it out on you? Did he do that before? What if you reacted by saying, “oh well buddy, better watch it because i’m what you’ve got.” Or is he aware of his condition?
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