For the first time in many years, I have been deeply contented and happy for about a month or two now.
I was astonished and happy to be happy!
But a warning not to tempt fate. Tonight I picked up an artifact of his time, and found myself sobbing, “No no! I don’t want to remember,” as a chasm.opened where my heart should be.
I quickly covered it up (tarps and emergency fill lol) but am now gingerly reflecting.
I don’t want to spend the few years remaining for me on this wondrous planet in grief or denial. I don’t want to ever deny the glory of our love which deepened through the illness, but I don’t want to be trapped in grief. So glad I have few regrets – I expect every long term relationship has some, but overall I would say we each screwed up from time to time, (leading to battles royal and gloriousI)
Now I want to be fully within the glory of life and it’s permutations, from love to the amazing convolutions of the human condition.
Loping back with no regrets, looking forward with calm curiosity.
CaringCV 