Hmm

He no longer walks and so , slowly loads of clothes, some rags, some very good, come home.

I sort through them, kind of, what is good enough for the thrift store, what is just rags…and i slowly try them on… and wow a lot of those pants and pjs etc, they fit well enough especially for around the house (and what else is there these days? ) Sometimes I even see my hemming on pants – those stitches mine.

And so, they fit.

Could be sick or nostaligic but I think it’s not. It’s just that I’m wearing the big guy pants now for us and all our connections and creations, and care and finances…,

and that is (void it hurts to to look into even though it has been so for years now) going to be my life going forward, so it  is so fitting that the cloth he has worn feels comforting and natural..

Many years ago, he said in a rare lucid moment, Babe I don’t understand anymore, holding my face and stroking my cheek, So you will have to make the best decisions for Both of us. I trust you Babe

So  I have decided to wear his pants 🤩

 I am.sure his zero waste morality would approve, although appalled at my current chubby figure and commenting that  i was much prettier than i dressed up to, whatever imho! 

 And still We always laughed tgether at Put another log on the fire.  And he always pulled more than his load until he had to pass it over to me.