Blow Out!

So a few days ago….well, I blew – there is no other way to say it.

All the careful, intelligent, humorous caregiving just thrown out the window – kapow! We had had a couple of rather rocky days — including Don being edgy and not settling down, and an enticing invitation to return to some of my professional life as a toxics activist, and other personal stresses. Then my poor love asked the same question for about the 15oth time and….that was it.

I ran into the kitchen and threw a glass in the sink. I am still savouring how wonderful it felt — the sharp crack of the glass breaking. Marvellous. I don’t think I will take up throwing crockery, but I can see how very satisfying it is!

But with that crack came something inside me breaking too and I just stared to cry for hours and hours…. Frightening my love to no end – the next day when I was over it except for some swollen eyes, he came into the room and started to cry, saying he thought our relationship was over and I was going to throw him out. Not good at all. Poor guy. I think he is starting to get over it now, but that is real lesson to me. He has no way at all of interpreting my reactions, just like a little child.

Also I have had to do some serious work forgiving myself….made easier, perversely, by the fact that my love has not forgiven me at all, and goes around calling me Crazy Woman. Oh well, if it fits, wear it, hey!


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5 responses to “Blow Out!

  1. Jenny

    What a lot of bottled up frustrations! How can we help?
    Could you make it something fun, calling each other affectionate nicknames?


  2. Thank you for your openness and honesty. The burden that you carry is immense. I only wish I was closer so I could share it with you. 😦


  3. I laughed and cried with you my dear, your description of this time is priceless and allowing yourself to just explode is priceless and oh so needed. I understand the bit about don not understanding your emotional state and fearing you leaving him…thanks for sharing your humanness.


  4. Grace Clarke

    Thank you for sharing your journey, it rings bells of remembrance for me! Gb


  5. norleen lillico

    Oh my goodness, “If it fits, wear it”! Then you could be wearing a medal for tenacious love, flexibility and humour…just sayin’
    ps thanks for being human